After December, there can be such a feeling of depletion. Depleted here, depleted there, depleted errywhere! For me, December breaks down with the first half revolving around Finn's birthday and the last part consists of me blazing through to create a Christmas... experience. Then I stare at the remaining Christmas decorations and know they aren't going anywhere until around mid-February... probably Valentine's Day. And that's fiiiiine.
The part that can be hard is I feel like I'm doing the work of two people. I don't really complain to anyone about it. It's both a privilege and a pain. I'm so grateful to see my son's expressions and joy during the holidays, but I have to admit there's a longing on my part. I wish I had someone to share the struggles and the joys with, but I just have to try to acknowledge it and settle it in my own mind and heart. I like balance and after this part of exhausting and planning and giving to my son, I think it makes sense that I feel worn out and the hibernation feeling of winter helps to support what I want to do, which is cozy up in my house... relax... drink soothing teas... read... watch netflix... do some healing yoga... journal.
Then I also have to acknowledge the part of me that's missing connection. The lonely part. That's there too, waiting to be satisfied again. We all have duality of feelings like that, so I'm not going to be hard on myself for not being grateful enough or positive enough. No. Life can be hard and it can hurt. You can hurt while laughing. One of the most common examples of that for me is when Finn says something so clever, so funny, soooo unexpected and I burst into laughter and I almost look around to tap someone's leg and say, "Did you hear that? So funny!" There's a desire to share. That's just a thing I deal with, but I was thinking of people who are in much more dire, painful circumstances than I. Or just those who relate, despite different circumstances. Basically, I saw this beautiful, quirky little drawing:
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| Image from http://kgstoryteller.tumblr.com/ |
and it reminded me how we do, in fact, have a light within us. We do until we don't. If you're alive reading this, then you do. The light within will wax and wane. But we're in this together. The beautiful saying that has closed many yoga practices is that the light in me, honors the light in you. Let's light a candle for each other. Let's strengthen our connection and warm our weary bodies by the heat of each other's brilliance, kindness, warmth. That's my hope.
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