Friday, December 22, 2017

Slightly less pissed off

I was pretty unapologetically angry in that last post.  I'm now feeling a bit better.  We're still hearing stories of sexual harassment and assaults on a daily basis and, instead of feeling anger and frustration, I'm feeling something else and I'm not sure I quite have a word for it, but the closest that comes to mind is" relief"?  What's been done has already been done.  A veil is just being lifted.

Most of the stories we hear are from celebrities or those involved in politics, but those who would transgress upon another person are obviously found across the world and throughout every profession.  The thing that doesn't vary is that it's always about power.  I learned that a long time ago.  One person seeks to gain power over another and it's really cheap and it's really pathetic and it's completely inhumane.  I really mean that word, "inhumane"--it's not the human way.  It's not what we're meant to experience and feel with other humans.  I've tried to not use pronouns too much here because men have come forward with their stories too.  That's so important to remember.  It's not one sex vs another, but more about insecure people with power whether by strength/size, position, or status, taking advantage of another.  It's ugly, but it doesn't discriminate.  Anyone can be a victim. 

These stories are important.  I hear people complaining, "whyyyy all of a sudden?" or "don't you think it's suspicious that all these people are coming out of the woodwork now?"  or "it's just depressing, I'm sick of reading about it."  First, okay, yep, I agree that's it's depressing.  That's a given.  I don't read each story verbatim for that reason.  I think of each story as someone's opportunity to lift a weight off their shoulders and to no longer give another person power over them.  Brene Brown says "If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.  If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive."  So, shame and empathy cannot share the same space.  When you no longer hold onto something that previously brought you feelings of shame, guilt, fear, confusion, etc then you're freeing yourself from those things.

Secondly, no I don't think it's surprising to hear all the stories at around the same time.  When the climate gets worse, and it certainly has with Trump, there's a point where the pressure needs to be released.  The rot and the trash start piling up and wading through it becomes more and more difficult to where the water that previously looked a little choppy seems worth getting into just to alleviate the stench.  That water looks a little more calm at that point.  A few really brave people decided to take the risk of lending their voices to tell others it's okay to come out now.  It's safe.  Having a movement labeled "metoo" is all about creating a safe community of people who acknowledge that a real unfairness and a complete injustice is a part of the culture of this world.   I'm always rooting for the underdog and so I personally feel a bit of a sense of justice with quite a few of the stories that have come out.  Even if it's at the risk of losing respect for an actor or a comedian I previously liked. 

Glennon Doyle Melton has said, "First you need the revelation, then you can have the revolution,"which was inspired by a line from "Hamilton, the Musical" 

You want a revolution?  I want a revelation

We need these stories out and in the open where they can't hide.  We need to have the revelations to where we can openly admit to there being a very clear problem.  We don't need to read each story and let it hurt us and we don't need to make sweeping generalizations that all men in power are pigs or, as I've also seen, victim shaming and blaming.  I think every woman has at least one story to tell of having dealt with sexual harassment.  You don't have to go much further than to imagine an elevator scenario with a woman and a man who don't know each other on it.  I think a good man is probably aware of how that may feel for the woman and does his best to keep a physical distance and maybe even holds his breath to keep her feeling safe.  The woman is hoping for the best, maybe clutching her car keys to use as a weapon if need be, and breathing a bit of a sigh of relief when she gets safely out of the elevator.  My point being that the tense energy between those two people is there because we both now how ugly things can be.  Good men want women to feel safe.  Good men want women to know they're on their side.  Good men want to work with women to make the world safe for everyone.  Everyone benefits from feminism. 

So... we're having the revelations, next comes the revolutions.  The rising.  If one good thing comes from having Trump as... you know...the president (shudder) is that the majority of Americans can bond together and agree that there are some serious problems and there is power in those numbers.  

Last thing.  I really like this song.  I think it's so emotionally generous.  Admittedly, I don't know much about Kesha, but I have heard about her having endured verbal and sexual abuse from a music producer she worked with and that it was difficult for her to get out of her contract with him.  I can't say what inspired this song, but the lyrics suggest both a revelation and a readiness for a revolution, don't they?




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