If you have ever worked with the public, you know that people can be …
what’s the word? … Ah, yes,
fucking terrible. If you have ever worked in customer service, in a restaurant, in
retail, telemarketing, then you have truly gazed into the abyss of
humanity.
I don't work in customer service these days, so social media’s taken on that role of showing the worst of the worst in human nature for me.
Reading soul-crushing material, facing backlash for sharing a thought/opinion/idea at odds with someone else's, and nostalgically, regretfully, longing for the days when you didn't know the inner workings of your friends' minds. A kind of blissful ignorance really... le sigh.
I’m in a facebook group with other women who share an interest in traveling or--more to my angle--who like to
pretend they travel and live vicariously through said group of actual
traveling women …
My favorite aspect of
this group is learning about new places through personal anecdotes, combined with pictures that belong in a magazine--they can be
breathtaking.
It really invokes
that wanderlust within me.
Also a good resource for any travel-related questions, advice, warnings,
etc.
It’s always felt like a good spot.
However… ever since the election from hell, things have gotten ugly
there.
When there’s a controversial
topic for discussion, things can get ugly
riiiight quick.
For example, someone recently posted an
article about white women and cultural appropriation at Coachella--some perceive them as lacking respect for the cultures they're representing through wearing sacred items as a fashion statement. I also don't know that it's just white women who make this faux pas, but that was the article's intended audience (I know this because I'm prettttty clever and picked it up from the greeting which read, "Dear white women.")...
Anyway,
I read the article,
but it wasn’t a particularly scintillating topic for me, it seemed fair to me. I can definitely see how some see it as disrespectful, or at least in poor taste, to wear a culturally sacred item to a musical festival where a lot of not so sacred things are taking place. I can also see it as being completely without malice and, thus, not a high crime in my opinion. I would err on the side of respect just in case. Still, I was surprised to
see hundreds of comments when I returned to the facebook post.
Due to the volume of replies to one comment,
I chose to read that thread.
Aaand it was a
doozy.
This lady, mid-50’s, took offense off the bat, like right outta the gate, stating how
this kind of article is
EXACTLY
what’s wrong with America.
Down with
political correctness.
Blah, blah,
blah.
Wasn't a fan of her approach. I grew to dislike her more and
ever more as the conversation went on and her homophobia, racism, and ignorance were more fully revealed. After her
initial declaration about how this is our country’s issue, she asked how these things were offensive.
Was it a sincere question or was it just a throwaway question?
Can't say for sure, but it gave me a little
hope that she even asked the question.
I came late to the party.
There were
already 20 replies or so, and I sat down expecting to read an articulate, thoughtful, respectful answer to
her question.
Yes, there was some
ignorance on her part, but there was also an admission toward that and a
glimmer of opportunity for an important conversation. Real discourse.
I
expected to see one of these intelligent, well-traveled, interesting, diverse
women take that opportunity.
No one did.
There were plenty of snarky replies.
Mean spirited insults.
Comments
about her having white privilege, not caring, describing how
she was the problem—she was too old and
too white to understand.
Sooo.
Not great discourse. Even if I happen to agree with those women it's still not an effective course of communication. And I disagree with her in her belief that political correctness is this country's problem, I think it's the lack of conversation and real dialogue and that both she and the commentors were demonstrating that perfectly.
The problem is that “my side” was being ugly
too.
We looked nearly as bad as her. I wasn’t going to cheer on these ladies.
The exchange made a real plummet downward with her eventually proclaiming
how proud she was to be white and had hashtags about Trump making America great
again (surprise!) and
proceeded to call everyone snowflakes and safety pins.
Charming.
Okay, cool.
You’ve officially shown your cards,
but I still want to make an attempt and to
show you we can talk about this. We're not going to exchange insults,
but we can discuss things like reasonable adults. I'd just started to
type a response to her when
the admins removed her from the group.
Yes, she needed to be removed due to her homophobic, racist, and
personal attacks, but I wanted to attempt to bring the subject around to
her. To make it relatable. She’d mentioned her son was a marine (approximately 100 times) so I was going to ask her how she'd feel if she saw t-shirts
with the words “Mom
of a marine” (or something similar) being sported at a festival by 20-
something-year old girls.
Maybe she would argue that’s a
false equivalency, but the point is that the girls wearing those shirts didn’t really
earn the title displayed on the shirt.
They’re wearing something that’s actually meaningful to her and using it
as a fashion statement, not knowing how it really feels to be a mother of a
marine.
I
just wanted to try, in a tactful way, to make that comparison and just
leave it there for her to think about, but I didn't get that
opportunity.
So I sat with that for a minute.
We may have good intentions, but our division is what will keep us from
clarity and peace and progress and unity.
We’ve felt drawn together and connected before.
We know it’s possible.
There’s so much judgement and blame running
concurrently so we’re steadfastly holding our positions.
We can’t understand and don’t want to
understand anyone who disagrees with us.
Fear keeps us yelling and arguing so we never
hear love, which is softer, quieter, more gentle.
We have to stop talking to actually
listen.
Listen to understand and then
respond.
Let’s not formulate our
responses in an attempt to win the argument and lose the conversation.
The judgement is at an all time high, isn't it? The judgement has led us to separation. We've allowed ourselves to be divided and
separated on issues to the point where we see each other as enemies to our
personal causes.
We deal in
absolutes.
I'm completely guilty of this. I find it hard to not see Trump as the epitome of every ugly quality a human being could possibly have. t makes it incredibly difficult FOR ME to relate to someone who supports him or someone who voted for him.
Personally, I see the
election of Trump as proof of the fear that some people have in looking at a
changing world and seeing marginalized people gaining rights and freedoms and
being uncomfortable with a society that supports those changes.
I
think they saw Trump as a savior who would allow
them to embrace the qualities and values within themselves which were previously deemed unacceptable and becoming more and more obsolete and they recognized those qualities within him too.
So what do we do? Hellllll, I don't know! I want us to avoid easy insults though--but let's make an exception for particularly
hilarious ones though, right? Don't cha think?
I want us to not engage in screaming matches.
I get that the frustration,hurt, and anger build up to where people
utilize an outlet when they see one. There's a sort of safety in
unleashing to a stranger online and it's better than blowing up at your
boss, coworker, cousin, neighbor, etc, right? The point is that as much as
you're feeling that, the people who believe differently than you are
feeling the same. Their fears have put them in the position to take the stances they do.
Maybe take the high road and see where that
leads us? Because I know that the more we try to shame each other, the lines are
just going to be drawn more and more, causing us to further
disengage.
The more disengaged we are,
the further we get from actual change.
I
know I start to see people as one-dimensional beings and that’s a problem
because they aren’t.
I want to extend
empathy to people I don’t agree with and that can be a challenge, but I think
we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to do that.
I just think this hatred and fear and shame
is what got us here in the first place, isn’t it?
“The ego seeks to divide and
separate. Spirit seeks to unify and
heal.”
-A Course in Miracles
