A lot of the time (okay... MOST of the time) I want to avoid other people in public. Put on my game face and go get shit done so I can return to my peaceful bubble. That need for a bubble is often unnecessary when I’m with Finn because I have a joy in my heart and connecting with strangers at the park or the store is fine. I tend to get a lot of smiles and compliments on my little man when I’m out as well, so that helps.
Anyway, I was in Ogden taking some pictures this day. It was raining very lightly that late morning. It was a misty, gray day. I was walking along 25th street, shooting photos as I walked down the sidewalk. Not many people were out. A Native American man was standing outside the seediest bar on the street. I tried to look busy and started fiddling with my camera as I passed and avoided eye contact. He called out to me:
“Hey, what kind of camera is that?”
This is usually my cue to feign deafness and speed up, but I caught a look at him. He had a laid back pose as he leaned his back upon the building and took a drag of his cigarette. He certainly didn't look predatorial, ready to attack, but rather, casually interested. He was as cool as they come. I stopped and told him it was a Nikon. He asked a couple of questions about the features and I stumbled through some answers, not being an expert in photography, but doing my best to answer. He explained that he once worked as a photographer when he lived in New Mexico. I asked if he’d ever taken photos of Santa Fe. He looked at me with more interest and asked if I knew Santa Fe. I explained that I’d never been, but that something about the city is really drawing me to it and I want to visit very badly. He looked a little sad for a minute and grew quiet. I was about to take my leave and avoid the awkwardness... I didn't owe anything to this stranger, but then he said:
“It’s magical... Go there. Take pictures.”
I told him I would.
“Hey, what kind of camera is that?”
This is usually my cue to feign deafness and speed up, but I caught a look at him. He had a laid back pose as he leaned his back upon the building and took a drag of his cigarette. He certainly didn't look predatorial, ready to attack, but rather, casually interested. He was as cool as they come. I stopped and told him it was a Nikon. He asked a couple of questions about the features and I stumbled through some answers, not being an expert in photography, but doing my best to answer. He explained that he once worked as a photographer when he lived in New Mexico. I asked if he’d ever taken photos of Santa Fe. He looked at me with more interest and asked if I knew Santa Fe. I explained that I’d never been, but that something about the city is really drawing me to it and I want to visit very badly. He looked a little sad for a minute and grew quiet. I was about to take my leave and avoid the awkwardness... I didn't owe anything to this stranger, but then he said:
“It’s magical... Go there. Take pictures.”
I told him I would.
I found myself intrigued with this man. This man outside a bar at noon in Ogden. Probably only a handful of regulars in the bar at that time. I wanted to know more about his life and what events had transpired to bring him to this place and point in life. He asked:
“Ever notice how much better photos turn out when it’s raining? It’s kind of like life, isn’t it?”
I asked what he meant by that. He looked at me like he was really studying my face. He said:
“You’re beautiful” and took another drag from his cigarette. “You have a good soul, I can tell. Glad to have met you. You don’t look like the type to stop and talk to someone like me. So, thank you. Life’s short. I regret the times I said ‘no’ more than the times I said ‘yes.’”
And with that, he stubbed out his cigarette, nodded at me, and walked back into the bar.
“Ever notice how much better photos turn out when it’s raining? It’s kind of like life, isn’t it?”
I asked what he meant by that. He looked at me like he was really studying my face. He said:
“You’re beautiful” and took another drag from his cigarette. “You have a good soul, I can tell. Glad to have met you. You don’t look like the type to stop and talk to someone like me. So, thank you. Life’s short. I regret the times I said ‘no’ more than the times I said ‘yes.’”
And with that, he stubbed out his cigarette, nodded at me, and walked back into the bar.
Now... this man was clearly three sheets to the wind. Dah-runk. However, I felt a warmth in my chest and a calm, good energy as I walked away. I continued walking down the street and felt very connected. There were more people on the streets by now and the sun was coming out from the clouds. I stepped back to observe and felt very present in the moment. I noticed people hurrying by, not really seeing their surroundings. Many couples walked by with their focus on their phones, rather than each other. Pressing buttons, rather than holding hands. I saw a little boy and he saw me and he gave me a big smile. I smiled back. I almost felt like an observer, rather than a part of this. I heard every noise and felt the light on my face. I felt very light and peaceful that day. It’s a struggle in life. That feeling isn’t with me most of the time. But I’m getting to a point where I can kind of stop the noise and tune in to things more. I remembered that everyone has their struggles, but that life is good too. And we can help each other. This stranger saw something in me and we connected and I felt better having had a moment with him.
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