Finn was playing in his room and I could hear his squeals and screeches as he played Batman. He was wearing his mask and was lowering his voice to mimic Batman and would then switch to a very high, almost effeminate tone, to play the Joker.
I found myself laying stomach-down on the ivory comforter of my bed. I was reading a sentence here and there, desperately trying to finish the book I had started that very weekend. I was determined to finish it--the pile on my night stand of half-read novels was getting too high. Besides, I had been swallowed up by the characters and couldn't leave them until I knew what happened in the end.
It was right as I read the sentence in which one of the characters in the book died, that Finn joined me on the bed, laying down the same way so the sides of our arms were touching. He had grabbed a handful of Batman books and, squealing with joy, climbed next to me.
Although I was engrossed in my book, I felt my senses becoming aware of my surroundings--something I usually tune out when enveloped in words on the page. I heard the soft whirring of the ceiling fan, the light scratching from Finn turning the pages, as well as his quiet comments, like "The Joker's a dirty criminal." I felt the comfort of skin from my arm touching Finn's, and became aware I had absentmindedly started moving my fingers across his back as I was reading. I saw the afternoon sun coming through the bedroom window, softly enhancing shapes and shadows.
As my senses heightened to the moment I was living in, I remembered words from a show I had once heard,
"You know how people talk about the Good Ol' Days? I wish you could know they were the Good Ol' Days when you were actually in them."
I closed my book, laying still, focusing. I thought of taking a picture so I wouldn't forget what was happening, but didn't want to disturb anything. Instead, I rested my head on his back, my cheek against his shoulder blade, wrapping my arms around him so they were in-between his chest and the bed.
I knew I had been caught up in the story of the dying character, but as I clung to Finn I faced the thought that one day I would not have the opportunity to wrap my arms around him or listen to him happily imagine.
"I love you too mommy," Finn said.
"I'm so glad you know how much I love you," I replied.
I lay there quietly for a few minutes, letting the beauty of our right now consume me. And then he finished his books, climbed out of bed and life began moving forward again.
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