Sunday, August 27, 2017

This post contains affiliate links, please read my disclosure for more information. Also know that this is not sponsored, I'm just an affiliate, choosing products I personally use and love.  I updated my disclosure statement because my previous one was dinged for duplicating content!  Sheee-it.  I hope it's acceptable now. 

Lately I've been in a rut.

Going through the motions of the day on repeat.  

Blah.

Usually, I really enjoy writing at the end of the day, but noooot when I'm feeling exhausted and my brain is numb (and not comfortably so.)  I've been writing a semi-fictional story and have been attempting to include realistic, human-type of dialogue, yet I'm coming up with gems like: 

"Hello boyfriend.  It's me, girlfriend.  We like each other, but I'm going to be your character foil.  Maybe it's not so bad.  We both like nachos."

Since I can't stand it when I'm in his settled, mundane routine I've been implementing some healthier habits into my life again.  It can be really hard to go from thinking about the thing to actually doing the thing.  Yes?  One big change I've been desperate to incorporate for a loooooooong time is having healthier breakfasts.  I'm going to do a separate post for that because I've learned a lot about what I've been doing wrong when it comes to smoothies for breakfast and other quick, easy breakfasts I've been enjoying which give me WAY more energy during the mornings and keep me full until lunch.  

When I'm feeling bored and, honestly, pretty drained with life, I know it's time for some switches.  And there are some things I knew I could instantly change, such as the breakfast thing.  It doesn't need to take a lot of consideration.  Momentum is momentum and when you gain momentum in any aspect of life, it fuels you to keep that momentum going.  Not necessarily a striving or huge effort going on, just not getting complacent.  

Thus... I pulled out my trusted journal and scribbled for a bit about some products I own or have owned and loved, but have sadly neglected for a while.  For the last two months, I've dusted off these products and have used them again in my self-care/health routine and I'm prettttty happy about it.  A love affair rekindled... or not... but still cool.  I just wanted to share the love. Here are some of my favorite things, beyond the raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.




Image from https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/02/02-home-remedies-for-a-headache-thyme-oil.jpg

Okay, if you have ever cooked with fresh rosemary, you know the fabulousness of that scent.  It's  in the peppermint family so it's fresh, earthy, and invigorating.

Some studies have shown that it has memory-boosting benefits and can lessen anxiety.  Beyond the scent and the potentially positive impact on our mood, here's how I personally incorporate rosemary in my self care/beauty routine:

I use a rosemary hair rinse a couple of times a month. I alternate it with my apple cider vinegar rinse (which I will talk about in a minute) or my rosewater rinse.  The rosemary I particularly like because of the ahhhmazing scent.  It smells so good and will leaving your bathroom smelling incredibly fresh and clean.

So this requires fresh rosemary.  I start by rinsing the rosemary, then simmer it on the stovetop for about 10 minutes.  I strain it and put it in a container to take with me to the shower.  I let it cool to a comfortable temperature before dumping it on my head (I mean... that's my preference, but to each his/her own).  I just pour mine into a liquid measuring cup with a spout, like this:


I like to add a couple of drops of rosemary essential oil to the liquid just to really enhance the scent and get some added benefits.  I give myself a really nice scalp massage while I shampoo my hair, then I condition it.  After my hair's been shampooed and conditioned, I pour the rinse over my hair and DON'T rinse it out.  Rosemary essential oil is said to stimulate hair growth, so I really try to add a nice massage to my hair follicles to increase the circulation there.  With the massage and the rosemary, those nutrients and oxygen go right to the hair follicle to promote hair growth.  It's definitely a luxurious, self love habit that I love.


Himalayan salt lamp

 
Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/55/1e/5a/551e5a1cea004ca98cda13f8fa8f69f2--benefits-of-himalayan-salt-crystal-lamps.jpg

These beauties add an instant spa-like feel to any room they're in.  The soft glow has a very calming effect.

If you want to know more about the benefits, I found this page to be helpful.  Here's what I know: I feel calm when I look at it before going to bed.  It lulls me to sleep.  I don't believe there's scentific proof that the salt lamps emit negatively charged ions, but IF they do that can contribute to a better night's sleep, less anxiety, and lessen the effects of seasonal affective disorder.  I just know that I like the way it feels and I personally find them relaxing before bed and during meditation. 


Apple Cider Vinegar

  
Image from https://www.incrediblesmoothies.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Apple-Cider-Vinegar-Tonic.jpg



Looove using an apple cider vinegar rinse on my hair.  It clarifies your hair and leaves it so soft and shiny.  I always feel like I have "a good hair day" on the days I use it.  I just fill a glass with a couple of tablespoons of the ACV, then I add water to the rest of the glass.  I have longer hair right now, so after I've shampooed and conditioned my hair, I'll usually dunk the ends of my hair directly into the glass and then I'll carefully empty the rest of the liquid on my hair.  It will help with dandruff as well if you have any issues with that.

     ***Side note: "carefully" is emphasized for a reason.  And, yes, it really, really, really super hurts when it gets in your eyes.  
    ***Other side note: it may seem like the vinegar would make your hair smell, but it really doesn't, maybe the apple cider part of that helps. 

Since ACV is so MULTIFUNCTIONAL, I can't leave out the nutritional benefits.  Seriously.  It's full of so many enzymes and healthy bacteria... I try to ingest it every day now.  It's important to have a high quality brand, like the BRAGG'S version I have pictured above.  Let's be honest... I don't drink it for the taste, so if you try it and say, "heyyyy... I feel like I was duped into drinking this hideous thing and it's not so tasty after all, I bet she's having a big laugh about it," nooo.  We're not drinking it for the taste, but it really isn't so bad when it's diluted.  On a good day, when I get up in the morning, I'll go down into my kitchen and fill a tall glass with room temperature (or warm) water and add about a tablespoon or two (if I'm feeling brave) with ACV, and the juice of half a lemon.  I could add a little honey, but I don't feel like I need extra sweetness since I have the lemon.  Instead, I just add a dash of turmeric and stir it together.  And some mornings I stumble around, trying to understand how clothes work and if yoga pants can suffice as real pants.  Not only am I not aware of what apple cider vinegar is, I'm also confused as to the day of the week and unclear on my own name... truth. 

You get used to it.  Really.  It gets your metabolism going right away for the day and hydrates you. 

Last few things (promise):
  • Helps your body become more ph balanced.  Most of us tend to be more acidic, but this brings the body to a more alkaline state.
  • Helps lower blood pressure.
  • Is good for the digestive system--helps ease heartburn, bloating, gas
  • Helps detoxify the body, specifically the toxins built up in the liver
  • Can increase the "good" cholesterol in our bodies


Eggs organic and Pasture raised


Image from https://cdn3.vitalfarms.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/updated-VF2.png?x32147

Do you remember all the controversy with eggs?  One month they were little shell-wrapped beacons of death and the next month they were praised for their health benefits.  Hmmm.  It was weird.  They're actually very beneficial to our bodies--full of good protein, vitamins, and minerals.  
But all eggs should NOT be considered equal.
DUN DUN!
More controversy.

Quick rundown--at the market you'll pretty much see: conventional, organic, and/or pastured eggs.  You don't want conventional.  Really.  They're the bottom of the barrel.  Even if I didn't care about my own health or my son's, I still couldn't support the companies that sell these eggs.  It's just not right.  These are the eggs that may contain hormones and antibiotics with the chickens being fed grain-type "food."  The eggs come from hens in overfilled cages in factories.  Often trampling on each other with no room to move--most likely never seeing the light of day.  It's just cruel.  Even if the container says "cage-free" but doesn't specify that it's any of the other categories I listed above, that's just clever marketing because they may not be in cages, but are in overstuffed hen houses, which is incredibly unsanitary, hence the reason they're fed antibiotics, which YOU get to now consume.  

Sadly, I always thought organic eggs would be the best bet, but through my research and education over the years, I think pastured is the best bet.  I love that the eggs I've found and included the link above for, are organic and pastured.  Organic means the eggs are antibiotic and hormone free, which is really great, but it still doesn't mean the hens are allowed outside. 
Pastured eggs contain more nutrients and the hens have a more natural diet and get to enjoy the sun and the grass, the way nature intended. There's also a noticeable difference in the look of the yolk itself.  Pastured egg yolk is a deeper yellow-orange color and a more full yolk.  Conventional egg yolk is a little smaller and a more watered-down yellow shade. 

I bought the eggs pictured above from my local Target.  However, I couldn't find a link for it.  I've seen them at various grocery stores, but you can also check for similar eggs from a farmer's market or go to www.eatwild.com to find something near you. 

Image from https://assets.cdn.goodhoodstore.com/products/26571/xlarge/KLEAN_KANTEEN_GOODHOOD_SS16_192-2.jpg
  

 
 


I always have my Klean Kanteen with me.  I take it everywhere.  I originally bought mine about four years ago and I've used it on a daily basis, sooo it's pretty hardy.  I've dropped it se-ver-al times.  Many, many, many times.  I drop it more than I hold it... kinda clumsy.  I love that it's lasted so long.  

I was drawn to this particular brand due to the fact that they put so much conscious consideration into the health and environmental impact of their products.  They're made from stainless steel, rather than plastic or aluminum, so it's completely free of toxins.  

I avoid drinking from plastic bottles when possible.  I don’t trust the water source and the plastic itself isn’t healthy.  Pepsi’s even admitted that some popular water bottle brands are just using tap water.  Watch the documentary Tapped if you want to know more about tap water.  A lot of those plastic bottles contain BPA and phylate—both of which have been linked to a variety of health disorders, including cancer.  When I was pregnant, I got in the habit of buying everything BPA-free.  It’s just something I naturally look for now.  Plus, the bottling plants and environmental impact is concerning as well.  I just try to watch how I consume things in general and want to make healthy choices, so that’s where that recommendation comes from.  


Chamomile and Lavender Tea


Image fromhttps://thelittleshamanhealing.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/chamomile-and-lavender-tea.jpg


Dat tea tho...

This is such a beautiful tea to have before bed.  Having a soothing cup of tea like this each night before bed has become a ritual I look forward to.  It calms the digestive and nervous system down and it's very calming for the mind, body, spirit.  The flavors compliment each other well.  It's lovely.







Image from https://karalehmannbeautyexpert.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/16838048_10154960418214705_315664593_n.jpg?w=760


This is a rare natural deodorant in that... it works.  Of course, deodorant reacts differently depending on your individual body chemistry.  For me, this deodorant works really well as a deodorizer and, although, it's not an antiperspirant, it keeps me dry and fresh.  Plus, the scent is truly great.  Lavender and sage are a pretty sweet combo of calm and herby.  That may not make sense... let's just say I like the combo!  I much prefer it to some of the overly-scented, highly concentrated fragrances in traditional deodorant.  The most important thing for me is that it doesn't contain the aluminum or parabens a lot of non-natural deodorants do. 

Also, although this scent really works for me, I also really liked the first one I tried which was Bergamot and Lime.  It's really bright and citrusy, so it's very nice for spring and summer.  I've also noticed they have a Cedarwood and Juniper scent, which seems like it would be nice for men.


Image from https://stampington.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/20150812_Natalie_RoseWaterSpray_014-1024x678.jpg

A good rosewater has such a pleasant aroma, which makes using it ideal for self care/beauty routines.  Rosewater comes from the steamed distillation of rose petals.

For use as a hair rinse just pour a couple of tablespoons into a glass and fill the rest of the glass with water.  Then I slowly pour it over my hair after shampooing and conditioning it.  ERMAHGERD,the smell!  I love the smell and getting that aromatherapeutic bonus!  The happy, lovely scent is the gift that keeps on giving as you get whiffs of your own hair throughout the day.  The other benefits are that I feel it creates a beautiful shine and helps calm my hair when it's a little frizzy because it adds in some moisture.  If I don't have time to do a rinse, I also have a little spray bottle with rose water in it to spray on my hair and just comb it through with my fingers for a little quick fix. 

Now for SKIN:  ermahgerd!  I'm kind of surprised more people don't talk about rosewater because it can really improve your complexion.  I use it as a toner and apply it with a cotton ball after washing my face OR I will use the spray bottle and mist it over my face.  I just like to mix it up a little.  I don't use toner every day because it tends to dry my skin out, but it also has anti-bacterial and anti-oxidant properties, so I throw it in to get those benefits.


Palo Santo


Image fromhttps://img0.etsystatic.com/044/0/6451133/il_fullxfull.576176438_f3x3.jpg

Ahhh... palo santo.  The name means "holy wood" and it comes from a tree in South America, which is considered to be sacred.  Shamans and Incas have used it for years both medicinally and in spiritual and energetic cleansing.  I love to use palo santo sticks for clearing a space energetically and also during meditation.  I like it more than sage because I prefer its earthy, slightly minty scent.  It's a very pleasant scent. 

Of course, this is all going to sound very woo woo, but if you're a little sensitive to things like energy and are into self-development and exploration-- beginning a process of clearing energy in your home is going to become a life-changing ritual.  I probably smudge my home once a week, especially if it's been a difficult week.  It's a very high vibe product. 





Image from https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91QBJN9EfFL._SL1500_.jpg

This guy's yummm...  I prefer dark chocolate anyway--love the fact that it has antioxidants.  It has no added sugar or artificial flavors, it's just sweetened with stevia.  So no blood sugar spikes.  Definite plus there! 

Chocolate's a must-have in my home.  You can try prying it from my cold, dead hands.  It's just important to choose your chocolate wisely. 



Image from https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/417W0scGIZL.jpg







First thing first, our bodies produce collagen naturally, it's actually the most prominent protein in the body.  Collagen supports the vitality of the ligaments, bones, tendons, hair, nails and skin.  But collagen breaks down over time, especially when we're engaging in vigorous workouts (think of a runner pounding the pavement.)  Our bodies produce less collagen as we age.

My holistic nutritionist turned me onto collagen powder as a supplement and I'm OBSESSED.  It's not vegan... I feel I should state that.  The powder encourages new collagen growth, so it can help repair ligaments and increase joint flexibility and health!  It increases the elasticity in hair, nails, and skin, so it really can reduce the appearance of aging.  I love a product that goes more than skin deep. 

I learned that collagen powders work best when they're ingested.  I use the kind I lined above and it's completely tasteless in smoothies or you could mix it into coffee.  I rarely drink coffee, but if you're into the Bulletproof coffee craze, look up recipes that include that coffee with collagen and you'll find a lot of interesting recipes--the collagen will make your coffee nice and frothy. 


Kombucha




I have serious love for the booch--it's full of enzymes, minerals, acids, and probiotics.  Best of all, I truly notice a difference on a day I've had kombucha and a day I haven't... it gives me extra energy, improves my mood, and I just feel better overall.  I have an odd fascination with gut health and the science behind it.  Probiotics are important to a healthy, balanced gut.  I saved this one for last because I have so much gratitude and appreciation for this product.  I believe it played a significant role in restoring my gastrointestinal health.  It was pretty scarily in need of repair about 5 years ago and I was very worried.  I listened to my doctor, but focused more of changes in my diet and paying attention to how foods felt after I ate them.  Kombucha has always felt very soothing to my system after I drink it.  So... that's a pretty big deal for me...This particular brand with this flavor is my favorite, but a close second is GT's Kombucha in Lavender Love. 

You may notice a recurring theme of lavender adoration in here...



Friday, August 4, 2017

Ye Olde Yellowstone

Image from:https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/8e/ae/bb/8eaebbacf6f18ab0888013a7498f4826.jpg

I learned a few things on our recent trip to Yellowstone: 

Finn... he likes fire.  Like.  Realllly likes it.  "Pour more gasoline on the fire mom!" as we stare at a fully lit fire in a forest.  Uhmmm, that's a negative son.

Also, his marshmallow roasting skills are on point.  Only one marshmallow was sacrificed to the (surely grateful) marshmallow gods...

Unplugging and being away from technology is overwhelmingly easy.  At first there's a little panic involved, but then sooo much goodness.  I also thought Finn would get bored and start to ask what else there was to do, but he really acclimated to the environment and was able to chill out and relax as well.  We played the imaginative games we usually play at home, but now we set them in a forest environment.  Life changing.  Batman vs King Kong will never be the same...

It's an incredible rush to experience pretty much every type of biome within such short distances of one another.

We were going for a hike and came across a warning sign, which I read out loud.  It said we were in bear country and there was no guarantee of our safety--that we were on their turf essentially.  Finn looked at me all wide eyed and earnestly asked, "Are we going to be eaten by bears?"  I told him we needed to be careful and alert and to make lots of noise.  Shortest hike of my life.  His paranoia was heightened and he kept spotting fake bears.  The rock looked like a bear, did you hear a sound like a roooaar? etc.  He was really rattled by it.  Yet when we were near our campsite, we saw  a mother bear and her cub near a stream, walking in the opposite direction of us.  And he insisted on going to that same spot every day with the hopes of spotting those bears again.  He learned you can be both excited and scared of the exact same thing.  And that's actually a good thing.  Follow that feeling.

I hate deer flies.  They are assholes.

I was nervous for this trip and my ability to pull it off, but... it was one of my favorite vacations of all time.  I felt very free.  Rejuvenated. 

Image from:https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/a9/52/26/a952266267dab80a68f83831d1ebc6b2.jpg


I always love seeing bursts of color from wildflowers.

Mesmerized by the fire...
















Image from: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/57/c4/1d/57c41d71e70d6bc319c273667ef46135--wild-adventure-quotes-adventure-quotes-outdoor.jpg

Tuesday, July 11, 2017


I recently texted The Glass Castle trailer to my brother.  I needed to know if he'd seen it and if he was at least a little excited for it to come out.  I LOVED the book, but that doesn't really bear on my interest in seeing the movie.  The movie appeals to me on its own merit.  I'm not overly precious about movie adaptations either.  I try to not compare movies to books and vice versa in that way, but just to appreciate them in their own separate mediums.

...but I digress.

I first saw this preview in the theater and... I got chills while I was watching.  I also teared up.  It just made me feel something pretty strongly.  My brother wrote back that he had, indeed, seen the trailer and that he thought it looked great too.  I think it's so interesting how certain films just resonate so deeply within us.  It's so personal. It's like we're all operating at different frequencies and when something hits your frequency, it vibrates everything within you. 

I texted my brother back and told him that it had the makings of my "favorite type of film."  This led him to naturally ask me to describe said "favorite type of film.'  That's soooo not easy to do.  Not an easy task.  I thought over which movies immediately came to mind as those which have impacted my heart/mind/soul so strongly that they were right there for me to pick out.  In a sort of quick, journaling experiment, I (without giving it too much thought or analysis) wrote down the movies that came to mind as favorites.  I didn't judge my list because, if I did, I'd be inclined to change it.  To edit it.  To make it more "well-rounded."

I'd be inclined to say:
  • I should add more comedy.  
  • I need a foreign film.  
  • I need to back up to earlier than the 90's.  
  • I'm leaving out some of the great directors. 
  • And blah, blah, blah, more diverse, blah, blah, blah, historically monumental, blah, blah, blah.

Anyhow... I looked at my list, pondering whether there was a similar theme/feeling or some kind of connectivity between them, so that I could easily sum up my "favorite type of film."  If there is, I think maybe its that there's something I relate to in most of the films.  There's a recognizable conflict in self/in relationships/in society within all of them.  Something that's a little (or a lot) off and there's some effort made to regain something lost.  Or an intense, interesting realization's been made... most of them have dark humor mixed in.  It's not necessarily obvious, but if you get it, you get it.   It'll be interesting to see how this list changes over the years...

Ermahhhgerd. 

Here's the preview for The Glass Castle:





So, with all of that said... here are my gut-level, favorite films of all time.  Also, I was planning for a top 10, but when 20 come just as easily... go with 20.

1.       The Hours



Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6f/37/3a/6f373af91b5df53b0a714e0a393db31a--film-scene-movie-titles.jpg

2.       Mulholland Drive



Image from https://dbmoviesblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/mulholland-drive.jpg
3.       Her


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4.       Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind



Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/49/a7/fc/49a7fc748b40b3efcdc0cc4dfa64af34.png

5.       Walk the Line



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6.       Revolutionary Road


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7.       Mystic River


Image from https://image2.123tagged.com/images/m/mystic_river-9010.jpg



8.       In the Bedroom


Image from https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51eCbgVslaL._SY445_.jpg

9.       Far from Heaven


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10.   The Constant Gardener



Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1e/f1/90/1ef190fcaf06d171e222c255769cc305.jpg

11. The English Patient


Image from https://68.media.tumblr.com/d22b6834061a6c9448161a722fe71cc2/tumblr_mv6ap4aPG01slbfvzo1_r1_500.gif

12.   Adaptation

 
Image from http://www.stargatecinema.com/images/magictoolbox_cache/3bf842518f40ca6b8a10b619b8e02daf/1/9/19318/thumb400x400/20227-04.jpg



13.  Bridget Jones' Diary



Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9f/18/0e/9f180e8009fea8ac7ff699e7908f7651--bridget-jones-quotes-bridget-joness-diary.jpg


14.   A Beautiful Mind


Image from https://www.webtalkies.in/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-1.jpg


15.   House of Sand and Fog



Image from https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51REFKMTWAL.jpg

16.   The Talented Mr. Ripley



Image from https://68.media.tumblr.com/49bad895192b1ede388b9365a0110477/tumblr_n9d27gS8Gz1qj2ep9o1_500.gif



17.   You Can Count on Me



Image from https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hc0o1zXNHAg/maxresdefault.jpg


18.   About a Boy



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19.   No Country for Old Men




Image from https://68.media.tumblr.com/5a08b447e5c0145215caecb5da2df629/tumblr_ohzfb3x2kx1v4a8wfo2_1280.png
20.  Before Sunrise



Image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/600x315/9f/26/89/9f268965bcaa355516308ac8e26c81c9.jpg




Saturday, July 8, 2017

Sorry not sorry!

I’m sorry, I just get emotional about this.
 
I recently saw my therapist again and said this to her once I got choked up and could hardly speak through my tears.  Surely she'd never had a client cry before and was terribly uncomfortable.  Orrr perhaps I have a habit of overapologizing.  Hmmm...

I'll back up just to mention that I thought some issues were taken care of the first time I saw my counselor, but things have crept up again with new triggers and I want to talk it out in a healthy way.  

Back to the story--she told me not to apologize, that there was nothing to apologize for.  I agreed and told her I do that too often.  Indiscriminately.  Where does it come from?

In the eighth grade I met a lovely friend, let’s call her Annie. I had never met someone quite like her before.  She was nice and polite, but almost too polite.  It threw me off.  I didn't know how to respond when she would come up to me and say, 

"Hiii!  Sorry!" as a greeting.  

I think I'd take a beat and sardonically reply,  

"Uhm, well, apology warranted AND accepted."


Annie apologized for... everything.  Literally everything.  Hearing “sorry” from her became the norm.  I think we all found it amusing and accepted it as just a cute quirk of hers. However, I sort of noticed myself taking on the word more.  I never used to apologize for meaningless things before high school, but it seeped into my vocabulary and came out a lot more.  Now it's a pretty regular word for me too.  Unfortunately.  I find it comes out more with certain people and certain situations, but I pretty much want to abolish it altogether, except in the rare cases where it's deserved. 


Annie showcased the  various ways and situations in which one can apologize, but something brings that feeling of needing to apologize to the surface.  I love Annie.  She still apologizes profusely when I see her.  She will start sentences with, "I'm sorry, but I just think..."  I know she sees it as a way to be polite, but it's really an ineffectual preemptive way to avoid seeming rude or offending anyone.   And it just kind of undercuts anything that comes after it, right?

So, what does it matter?  Who's being hurt by these apologies--aren't they just attempts at being polite and shouldn't that be welcomed these days?  A warranted apology is a powerful thing.  It means a lot.  When a loved one is in pain, I will let them know how sorry I am that they’re hurting.  An unwarranted one only really serves to hurt the apologizer on a subconscious level.  That’s what it’s done for me.  The few times I’ve had it pointed out to me that I apologize a lot I have a feeling of I knoooow!!  Gawwwd!  Help me stop.  Sorry, is it annoying when I say sorry??!  Like I just want to ERASE the moment I apologized.  

I also realize that my surface level apologies are--and always have been--apologies for deeper things anyway.  Apologizing for taking up space.  Apologizing just for existing.  It’s not okay.  It's not okay with me or FOR me.  

I think it bears mentioning that while both genders are brought up to be polite and say their pleases, thank you's, and sorry's, a different level of emphasis is given to girls.  Boys are taught to be more assertive and direct.  To be competitive.  To be strong.  To be successful.  Compare that to some of the messages girls are taught: 

◦Be nice  
  
◦Be pretty   
      
◦Don’t ruffle feathers or step on any toes 

◦Don’t take up too much space 

◦Don’t be too loud 

◦Don't be a pushover, but don't get too confident

◦Don’t be too bold

◦Be thoughtful toward everyone but yourself

◦Shoot for perfection, but make it look easy 


Of course these are generalizations, but also... just remember... they're 100% indisputable.

I kid.

Kind of.  I think it'd be hard to argue that these messages aren't very much present within this culture, although I do think a change has occurred, especially in the last few years.  We're more aware and mindful of these things, so the struggle is more on breaking what's become habit and what's been accepted as the norm.  Maybe the next generation will bust these messages wide open.  Hopefully.


Image from https://img.picturequotes.com/2/69/68232/as-soon-as-a-women-gets-to-an-age-where-she-has-opinions-and-shes-vital-and-shes-strong-shes-quote-1.jpg


I can see many aspects of my life where I took on these messages but part of it definitely involved feeling inadequate (can you imagine?  with all those contradictory, impossible goals that one might feel they've fallen short somewhere along the way?)  I demonstrated my feeling I didn't fit in or belong by feeling sorry for the simplest things from not walking fast enough to calling my doctor's nurse to fill her in with some information I’d remembered after my visit.  Even apologizing when someone bumped into me.  

I was recently on an airplane near the window seat when the man next to me decided to do a full-on man-spread.  I must have internally apologized for taking up space and adjusted to try to take up less. Literally shrunk a bit and tried to take up less space to accommodate HIM.  That’s crazy.  I felt annoyed with myself that I reacted that way and made a point of de-shrinking during the flight.  Intentionally took over the arm rest for a while…  


So I know this is something important for me to work on but where to start?  I decided on an obvious point of entry: not using the words "I'm sorry," unless it's somehow actually warranted (which has not been the case thus far.)  I've been substituting "Excuse me" instead.  Or nothing and just nodding or smiling or whatever to avoid apologizing unnecessarily.  It's actually a pretty powerful change.  It's subtle, but it's a shift from me somehow being at fault.  That was disempowering.  Like telling the world I am less than and it's worth constantly acknowledging.  

Another thing I've been implementing has been saying "Thank you" more.  My therapist pointed out to me how it places emphasis on a positive feeling for everyone involved, rather than an imbalance of power.  Instead of rushing to say, "I'm so sorry I'm late!" Switch to "Thanks for your patience.  Appreciate it."   I've actually found a variety of ways to use this by simply thanking someone for their patience/for listening/for understanding.  Those are way more empowering for me.

This one minute Pantene commercial is great.  I can't believe I'm linking a video to a shampoo commercial here, but so it is.  It's actually well done and makes it's point quickly.  It's kind of uncomfortable to watch this video and cringe when you recognize your own actions or those of the women around you in the first part of the video.  The second part makes sooo much more sense.  Enough already.  We should just stop. 




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p73-30lE-XE