“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

 

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and, in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

 

― Bob Marley

Let's all raise a glass--or a glass pipe, if you will, to the late Bob Marley.  A beautiful lyricist and wordsmith. 

Anthem

"There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

Leonard Cohen







It's easier to be jaded.

It really is.

And cynical. I see it all the time.

Sometimes it's me.



But it isn't an accurate reflection as to what's in my soul. In the deepness of my soul, I feel free. I feel hope. I feel peace. It's only when I'm very connected to myself that I feel all three, but hope is always with me. I've never thrown up my hands and said, "I give up!" I can't quite understand how that occurs without the deepest, hardest, brawl of a fight... and even then... there's still a way. We see people rise up, not despite adversity, but because of it.


I think this is where parenting becomes ridiculously difficult. I know that I can bear a lot. I would gladly take on any struggles my son may incur and load them on my shoulders and carry it for both of us, but we build character through adversity. I've been rescued/saved for most of my life and it's been a curse rather than a blessing because I didn't learn the skills as to how to do that for myself at an age when it would've been easier. Instead, I learned it after I was responsible for another person. And my role in his life is not to protect him from the world and preserve this state of perfection. Oh, that's hard to write because it's not entirely true. I really do want to just let him know he's always safe in my arms. But he's going to see life is more than fairy tales and playtime and cuddling on the couch. In my fantasies of being a mother, I never realized this. I love him so much it hurts.


The last two weeks have been difficult. And I've been a bit of a blubbering mess at times. I've seen several people I care about--friends and family--exhaustively in pain. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have sat with them through their pain.


Here are some things I've been thinking:


this: Abuse, in all of its many forms, is so ugly. When it happens to a child the ugly is magnified and compounded, put upon innocence that is too young to be able to comprehend and fully heal from the dark, twisted, and truly evil of the world. Sometimes just the knowledge of the burden that is placed upon abused children can overwhelm my spirit to the point it feels so heavy it aches.

this: I promote therapy. Therapy=good. Finding a good therapist is a blessing. One who can be the vessel to crack the thick, sometimes bullet-proof shell that has been built for years to protect from the ugly and twisted. When the shell is cracked, it can feel like the soul and spirit are going to crack right along with it. But, I promise, it does get better.

this: I am so grateful for those who are willing to be vulnerable, to share their pain with the world unselfishly and without the need for validation, but in the way that others can learn from it, and not feel so alone.

this: Music heals me in the same way the written word does. Much more so than chocolate ever has.

this: I am surrounded by good people.



It seems that, in spite of all the adversity, all the ugliness in the world, there is still so much beauty. There's always something to be grateful for and in which to find meaning.



Anthem

-Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
Has passed away
Or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
Be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
Bought and sold
And bought again
The dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

 

 

.

SAY GET A FAN ONE MORE TIME

 

 

This is just a loving reminder that I have heard the suggestion that perhaps purchasing a fan would drown out and mask the noise from my music admiring apartment buddies upstairs multiple times.  I do appreciate good advice and have considered it.  I've implemented it as well.  It doesn't quite do the trick.  I've become very creative in my methods and I'm doing okay for now. 

 

With Love,

 

Me